End-of-Year Anxiety in Kids
- Renee Zilm
- 6 days ago
- 11 min read
Why It Happens & How to Help Them Feel Safe
If your child is suddenly more emotional, sensitive, clingy, avoidant, argumentative, or just “not themself” as the school year wraps up… you’re not imagining it. And no, you’re not doing anything wrong.
This time of year creates one of the biggest emotional loads on a child’s nervous system, especially for kids who are neurodivergent, sensory-sensitive, anxious, or simply exhausted from the rhythm of the school year. Even the most confident, resilient, social kids feel it in some way.
Let’s unpack why this happens (there are actual developmental and neurological reasons behind it) and what you can do to help your child feel safer, softer, and more settled as the year winds down.
Why This Time of Year Feels Heavier For Kids
One of the most important things to know is that children spend the entire school term “holding it together.” At school, they’re navigating academic expectations, friendships, noise, transitions, sensory input, emotional rules, and social norms.
Research shows that children use significantly more cognitive and emotional energy in structured environments than adults realise, particularly those with ADHD, autism, sensory processing difficulties or anxiety.
By the end of a long term, their system is running on fumes.
Fatigue hits hard
A child’s brain is still developing the pathways required for emotional regulation, impulse control, planning and adaptability, especially the prefrontal cortex, which continues maturing well into early adulthood. When tired, these systems become less accessible, which is why you often see “after-school restraint collapse” magnified at the end of the year.
In simple terms? They’ve been coping all day, every day, for months… and their tank is empty.
Routines and predictability disappear, and so does the feeling of safety
December brings rehearsals, assemblies, excursions, celebrations, change-of-classroom days, teacher absences and timetable reshuffles. Predictability is one of the nervous system’s strongest anchors. When it disappears, stress hormones rise, even during “fun” activities.
Studies in child development and neurobiology consistently show that unpredictability increases anxiety because the brain moves into threat-detection mode. If your child becomes clingier, more irritable or more rigid at this time of year, they’re simply trying to stabilise themselves.
Uncertainty about next year stirs big feelings
“What will my new teacher be like?”
“What if I’m not with my friends?”
“What if I can’t keep up next year?”
Anticipatory anxiety skyrockets during transitional periods. Even children who seem confident externally often hold private worries they don’t yet have the language for.
The brain naturally fills gaps in knowledge with possibilities, and for anxious kids, those possibilities lean toward the negative.
Social and academic comparison creeps in
Let’s talk about something openly, because so many parents feel this but don’t always say it out loud:
End-of-year assemblies can be brutal.
Reports are handed out. Awards are given. Kids overhear conversations about performance, levels, achievements, and next year’s expectations. And on paper, all of this looks lovely, a celebration of success, achievement, and hard work.
But here’s the part I struggle with every single year:
We celebrate the kids who excel academically…but we rarely, rarely, acknowledge the kids who try their absolute hardest just to survive the school day.
The child who works twice as long and twice as hard to retain one sentence of information.
The child with ADHD who is labelled “disruptive” or “naughty” while quietly fighting a battle just to sit still for ten minutes.
The child who spends all their emotional energy masking so they won’t stand out.
The child who is doing their best to meet school expectations even 10% of the time, and that 10% took everything they had.
The child who isn’t naturally academic but shows up every day with grit and heart that never gets applauded.
It breaks my heart that these children often sit through assemblies hearing name after name called, and none of them are theirs. Not because they didn’t work hard. Not because they don’t have strengths. But because their achievements don’t fit neatly into a printable certificate template.
For many kids, especially neurodivergent children or those who struggle academically, this can activate deep self-doubt, shame, and a sense of “not being good enough.”
Research consistently shows that children who already have low self-worth are significantly more vulnerable to negative social comparison.
So while it’s beautiful to honour the children thriving on paper, I believe with my whole heart that we also need to acknowledge the kids who are holding it together on even the most difficult days. Because that is its own kind of excellence. It's its own kind of courage.It's its own kind of achievement.
And those kids deserve to feel seen too.
Sensory overload builds up
Now add this into the mix: the concerts, rehearsals, costumes, bright lights, busy classrooms, decorations everywhere, hotter weather, noisy assemblies, long seating times, crowds of adults, unfamiliar routines, and the general “buzz” that comes with end-of-year excitement.
For a sensory-sensitive child, this isn’t fun. It’s a perfect storm.
And here’s the thing many people forget: Sensory overload isn’t a behaviour. It’s biology.
Children who are sensitive to sound, light, touch, movement, temperature or crowds can become overwhelmed incredibly quickly because their nervous system is receiving too much input at once.
But even for children who aren’t typically sensory-sensitive, this time of year pushes the limits of what their sensory systems can comfortably handle.
Occupational therapy research shows that all children, even neurotypical kids, demonstrate increased behavioural dysregulation when sensory demands intensify.
Why? Because the brain has to work overtime just to stay organised.
When the sensory system becomes overwhelmed, the body shifts into survival mode. You may see:
irritability
clinginess
emotional outbursts
repetitive questioning/conversations
fidgeting
zoning out
restlessness
refusal to participate
meltdowns seemingly “out of nowhere”
But it isn’t out of nowhere. It’s coming from a nervous system trying its absolute best to process an environment that feels “too big, too loud, too bright, too much.”
Even something as simple as wearing a costume or sitting in a packed hall for 45 minutes can push a child past their threshold, not because they’re uncooperative, but because their system is overloaded.
And while adults can regulate by stepping outside, deep breathing, or mentally checking out, children don’t have that same toolbox yet. So the overwhelm comes out the only way it can- through behaviour.
Understanding this removes the shame, the guilt, the frustration… and replaces it with empathy, compassion, and the awareness that your child isn’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time.
Endings always carry emotion
Even happy endings activate the nervous system. Humans, especially children, are wired to feel something when a season closes. The brain recognises transition before the child consciously does. Even if your child loves their teacher or had a great year, their nervous system still interprets “ending” as a form of separation. In developmental psychology, this is called anticipatory activation; the body prepares itself for change long before the child can put words to it.
So while the adults are saying, “Yay, holidays!” a child's nervous system is whispering, “Something is shifting… am I safe?”
This internal shift can look like clinginess, irritability, emotional outbursts, or even extra silliness. It’s not misbehaviour, it’s the body trying to adjust to the emotional weight of closure and the uncertainty of what comes next.
So What Can We Do?
The most powerful thing you can offer your child right now is regulation and connection. You don’t need elaborate strategies. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to understand what their nervous system is asking for.
Lower expectations at home
Kids don’t unravel because they’re ungrateful or “behaving badly.” They unravel because home is the only place they feel safe enough to let the pressure drop. All day, they’ve been holding in emotions, energy, impulses, sensory overload, expectations, and social demands. When they walk through the door, the mask drops, and more often than not, that looks messy.
This is why reducing demands and loosening routines after school, especially at this time of the year, can make such a huge difference.
Instead of the usual checklist -“Shoes off, bag away, get changed, homework,” try leading with connection:
“Pop your bag anywhere for now. Come sit with me while you settle.”
That small shift tells their nervous system: You’re safe. You don’t have to perform anymore. You can breathe.
The tasks will still get done, but they’ll get done more easily after the child’s system has reset.
Remember - Regulation always comes before responsibility.
Create a decompression buffer after school
Before asking about the day or redirecting behaviour, offer food, silence or gentle play, outdoor movement, or sensory grounding. After-school overwhelm is real. Their brain has been “on” all day, and they need to downshift before they can connect, listen, or speak.
Create a simple “landing zone” at home: a snack and water ready on the bench, a quiet activity like colouring or LEGO nearby, and 10–15 minutes where no one asks anything of them. No questions. No instructions. Just space to exhale.
This matches what polyvagal theory teaches us: the nervous system must return to safety and regulation before a child can communicate, reflect, or follow directions. When we give them that buffer, everything that comes after becomes easier.
Validate what they’re feeling
Validation is one of the most effective regulation tools.
Try: “I can see school feels like a lot right now. That makes sense.”
If they snap over something small, instead of correcting the tone or dismissing it, respond with: “It feels like today used up a lot of your energy. I’m here with you.”
You’re not agreeing with the behaviour, you’re calming the system behind it.
Keep evenings predictable
Simple dinners, baths, books, low lighting, and repetitive routines all help stabilise a child’s nervous system. Predictability lowers cortisol because the brain no longer has to scan for “what’s next?” When the routine is the same each evening, their body can relax into it rather than brace for surprises.
Try creating a “gentle evenings” routine: dinner → early bath → pyjamas → a few yoga poses or calming breathwork → books → lights dimmed → sleep.
This sequence taps into sensory regulation, connection, and body-based calm. All of which support easier bedtimes and smoother emotional regulation.
A quieter, more predictable evening gives their nervous system the reset it’s desperately asking for.
Use sensory supports
Weighted blankets, weighted toys, warm baths, soft clothing, dim lights, quiet corners, sensory furniture, and fidgets all help down-regulate the nervous system. These tools provide deep pressure, predictable sensory input, and a feeling of containment — signals the brain interprets as safety.
And this isn’t just for children with sensory needs. Even neurotypical kids benefit from these supports because all children experience sensory overload, fatigue, and emotional spillover at the end of the school day. A calm, sensory-friendly environment brings their system back into balance much faster than talking, correcting, or trying to push through the overwhelm.
So, create a simple “calm corner” at home: cushions, soft lighting, a weighted lap pad, a cosy blanket, a favourite soft toy, a fidget or chewy. Let it be an inviting place they can drift to after school — not a punishment, but a comfort zone where their body can reset and their emotions can settle.
Introduce grounding tools
Slow breathing, wall push-offs, Child’s Pose, and Butterfly Taps all activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the part of the body responsible for calming, grounding, and returning to safety.
These simple movements give the body a physical way to release tension when words aren’t enough. Download our Safety, Calm and Rest printable
When you notice your child starting to spiral, offer a gentle, playful prompt:“Let’s do Star Breathing together,” or “Push the wall as hard as you can for 10 seconds, get that energy out!”
Keep it light, not clinical. These tools work best when they feel like an invitation, not a correction. Over time, children learn that their body can help them calm their mind, a skill that supports them for life.
Support Their Gut, Support Their Mood
One of the most overlooked pieces of end-of-term wellbeing is gut health. The gut and brain are deeply connected, so much so that researchers call the gut the “second brain.” Around 90% of serotonin, the neurotransmitter that supports mood regulation and emotional stability, is made in the gut. When gut health is supported, children often experience steadier emotions, better sleep, improved behaviour, and greater resilience to stress.
During high-stress periods (like the end of the school year), the nervous system becomes more reactive, and so does the gut. Stress can slow digestion, increase inflammation, and disrupt the delicate balance of gut bacteria. When this balance is off, studies show it can heighten anxiety, irritability, emotional regulation difficulties, and even sensory sensitivity.
In simple terms: A calmer gut = a calmer child.
Research consistently shows:
A diverse, fibre-rich diet improves emotional stability and reduces stress reactivity.
Probiotic-rich foods can support mood and reduce anxiety symptoms.
Foods high in refined sugar and additives can increase emotional dysregulation — especially in children who are already overwhelmed.
Omega-3s support both gut and brain health, improving focus, mood, and self-regulation.
As a family, and particularly due to my son Harvey’s nutritional needs, we consult regularly with Elyse Comerford at Wellbelly Health, a nutritionist who specialises in gut health. It has completely opened our eyes to how strongly food affects behaviour, mood, sleep, and emotional regulation. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
Adjustments don't have to be harsh and dramatic; even small adjustments can support their gut microbiome, which in turn supports their mood, emotional resilience, and overall ability to cope with the end-of-year chaos.
Talk gently about next year
No pressure. Just curiosity. Simple questions help children process uncertainty without feeling overwhelmed.
“What are you hoping for?” “What helps you feel safe in a classroom?”
And instead of reassuring with “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine,” try: “Tell me one thing you want next year to feel like.”
Why? Because “Don’t worry” doesn’t actually reduce worry, it dismisses it. It sends the message: Your feelings aren’t real or important.
Children then learn to hold their fears quietly rather than bring them to you.
Validation does the opposite. It says: “I hear you. Your feelings make sense. You’re not alone.” When a child feels understood, their nervous system softens.
When a child feels dismissed, their nervous system tightens.
So a simple swap, from reassurance to validation + curiosity, anchors their brain in safety and possibility, not fear.
Protect weekends when possible
Kids metabolise overwhelm slowly. They don’t bounce back, they unwind. Their nervous system needs spaciousness, not more stimulation, to recalibrate after a big week.
How do we protect weekends? Choose one “non-negotiable” quiet block each weekend: a slow morning at home, a gentle nature walk, a movie afternoon, or even a whole day with no plans. This protected downtime gives their brain and body the pause they need to reset.
Avoid stacking social events, sports, errands, and parties back-to-back. Overscheduling keeps their system in “go mode,” when what they actually need is a chance to breathe, settle, and return to baseline.
Become their softness
Your calm body becomes their safe body.
Your slower voice becomes their anchor.
Your presence becomes the map back to equilibrium.
This isn’t poetic, it’s biology. Children regulate through co-regulation long before they can self-regulate. Their nervous system takes its cues from yours.
As an example, when they’re melting down, instead of standing over them or talking fast, move to their level. Sit beside them, soften your shoulders, slow your breathing, and gently say: “I’m right here. You’re not in trouble. We’ll get through this together.”
In that moment, your nervous system becomes the one that their body mirrors. You model calm not by telling them to be calm, but by being the calm.
The Truth Parents Need to Hear
End-of-year anxiety isn’t misbehaviour.
It isn’t defiance.
It isn’t laziness.
It isn’t regression.
It’s a tired, overloaded nervous system saying, “I can’t hold it all together anymore.”
Your child isn’t giving you a hard time; they’re having a hard time. And the fact that you’re here, reading this, wanting to understand, wanting to support them… that already makes you an extraordinary parent.
Your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They don’t need you to have the right response every time. They simply need you to be present - steady, attuned, connected.
Your calm becomes their calm.
Your softness becomes their safety.
Your presence becomes the thing that helps them get through this season.
And you’re already doing more right than you realise.
We’re here walking alongside you. Every step. Every season. Every transition.
— The GET Co. 🦋
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