When Words Don’t Work: 3 Regulation Strategies That Calm Kids' Nervous System

Renee Zilm
Jun 12
4 min read

Updated: Aug 26

Have you ever tried to talk a dysregulated child out of a meltdown?

If you’re a parent, educator, or therapist, you’ve probably seen it firsthand: logic doesn’t land when a child’s nervous system is in fight, flight, freeze, or shutdown. Their brain isn’t ignoring you. It’s just not available for conversation.

At The GET Co., we support children who feel deeply, think differently, and often experience the world more intensely. These children don’t always have the words to explain what’s going on, but their bodies always know. That’s why we teach regulation strategies that begin in the body, not the mind.

Here are three powerful, research-backed techniques we use in our programs—and how you can try them at home or in your classroom.

1. The Butterfly Hug

The Butterfly Hug is one of the most grounding tools we teach children at The GET Co. Originally developed as part of EMDR trauma therapy, it uses bilateral tapping to calm the brain, regulate the nervous system, and restore a sense of felt safety.

How to Teach It:

Create a calm environment. Invite your child to sit or stand in a familiar, quiet space.
Cross the arms like a self-hug. Ask them to gently place their right hand on their left upper arm or shoulder, and their left hand on the right side, arms crossed over their chest.
Form “butterfly wings.” Their thumbs should touch lightly in the centre.
Begin tapping. Alternate gentle taps, left then right, like wings flapping—one tap per second.
Add the breath. Encourage slow, deep breaths in rhythm with the tapping. You might say together: “Inhale… Exhale…” or “I am safe. I am calm.”
Continue for 1–3 minutes. Watch for signs of regulation—deeper breathing, relaxed shoulders, or eye contact returning.

Why It Works:

This technique reduces emotional arousal by facilitating more effective communication between the two sides of the brain. It supports sensory integration, calms the amygdala, and gives the body a cue that it’s safe to shift out of survival mode. We use it in our classes during transitions, after big feelings, or to begin relaxation.

2. 5-Finger Breathing

This simple breathwork technique blends movement, touch, and rhythm to help children slow down, regulate their nervous system, and reconnect to their bodies.

We often introduce this tool to children who are anxious, struggling to focus, or needing a structured moment of calm. It’s especially effective because it provides visual, tactile, and proprioceptive input—all of which support regulation.

How to Teach It:

Hold up one hand. Ask your child to stretch out their fingers like a star.
Use the pointer finger of the other hand to trace. This is their “tracer.”
Start at the base of the thumb. Instruct them to inhale slowly as they trace up one side of the finger.
Exhale slowly as they trace down the other side.
Repeat for each finger. Trace all five fingers from thumb to pinky.
Use language for rhythm. Phrases like “Smell the flower, blow out the candle” or “Breathe in calm, breathe out stress” can support engagement and consistency.

Why It Works:

5-Finger Breathing slows the breath and activates the parasympathetic nervous system, shifting the body from stress to rest. It also encourages interoception—awareness of internal signals—and can help children reconnect to their sense of control in the moment.

This tool is portable, age-appropriate, and works beautifully in school settings, during transitions, or as part of a bedtime routine.

3. Shake It Out

Shake It Out is one of our most-loved techniques at The GET Co.—especially for kids who are holding big feelings in their body and don’t have the words to release them.

Inspired by animal behaviour in nature, this practice helps discharge excess energy, release stress hormones, and bring the nervous system back into balance. It’s joyful, playful, and incredibly therapeutic.

How to Teach It:

Clear the space. Make sure your child has room to move safely.
Start small. Wiggle fingers, flick hands—like shaking off water. You might say: “Let’s shake out the stress in our fingertips!”
Build gradually. Add shoulders, elbows, and arms. Let them swing or bounce naturally.
Add lower body. Encourage gentle stomping, hip wiggling, or bouncing knees. Try: “Shake out the grumps hiding in your toes!”
Go full-body. Let the whole body move freely, expressively, even a little silly. Add music or countdowns for extra fun.
Finish with stillness. Place one hand on the heart, one on the belly. Take a breath. Ask: “How do you feel now?” or “What do you notice?”

Why It Works:

Shaking helps complete the body’s stress response cycle, especially after adrenaline or cortisol has built up. It stimulates proprioceptive input (deep body awareness), promotes emotional release, and reconnects children to a sense of joy and freedom.

This technique is especially useful before or after challenging tasks, during transitions, or when a child is emotionally stuck or frozen.

Why We Teach These at The GET Co.

At The GET Co., we don’t just teach movement—we teach regulation.

Techniques like the Butterfly Hug, 5-Finger Breathing, and Shake It Out are woven into every program because they offer children more than calm, they offer capacity. They create pathways back to safety, confidence, and connection—especially when a child can’t yet tell you what’s wrong.

These tools speak the real language of the nervous system, Rhythm. Breath. Movement.

They help children come back into their bodies, back into their breath, and back into relationship with themselves and with the world around them.

Want your child to learn these tools in a safe, playful, and therapeutic environment?Join our waitlist or share this article with a parent or educator who needs to know these tools exist.

At The GET Co., we’re not just stretching bodies. We’re building emotional resilience—one breath, one tap, one shake at a time.